Angel vs. Devil Exercise: Conquering Test Anxiety

As I mention in just about every post, I'm struggling with a poisonous habit I've formed known as test anxiety. I'm still guilty of letting it cloud my mind, drain my energy, and squash my focus. I did some research on test anxiety and found several causes, but the solutions didn't resonate with me. I wanted to know what caused ME personally to doubt myself, freeze, and cry mid-practice test. So in my latest in-home-with-patient-husband therapy session, I voiced a little exercise.

I did some soul-searching and identified a list of things the devil keeps telling me as well as a list of angelic encouragements. Just recognizing what thoughts were not only poisonous, but sadly repetitive, really helped me to find solutions and positive words.

{ We'll start with Ms. Devil }

• You failed this last year. And you could fail it again this year.
• I bet your classmates in design school would think it's pretty funny that you failed. (Ok, me.. really?)
• Doesn't it suck thinking back on the parts of the test during which you couldn't breathe? When you were shaking? 
• Wouldn't that be so ironic if you put your heart and soul into studying and made this encouraging blog and then FAILED???
• This test is super expensive. Do you want to pay for it again?!
• Wouldn't that suck if you forget everything you learned come test day?
• Relentless stomach pains.
• I think you should keep picturing the location you took the test in last year. Remember how unprepared you were?
• My personal favorite: "Oh, you'll be fine." As if I'm not allowed to be a little scared and this is getting me to shut up already. 
• When someone says: "Calm down."
• 10. Long. Hours.
• Countdown!!!
• Heh. Remember that time you were unemployed?
• Text anxiety - drama queen much?!

{ And Ms. Angel }

• You went to a CIDA-accredited university and graduated at the top of your design class. Your resume isn't bad either. Even when you were unemployed, you started your own design business. 
• You passed the LEED CI test. The first time. On your birthday.
• You passed the first two sections of the NCIDQ without the special Part 1 and Part 2 Ballast books. 
• You were a swimmer for 12 years for crying out loud! You survived BOB!
• This blog you started is such a good thing. For you. For others. So what if you don't pass and you wrote this blog? Blog about it! But you will pass, so blog about THAT!
• You are a talented designer with solid and varied experience. 
• You're capability level is only growing.
• If you go in with the mindset that you're going to pass, you WILL.
• So what if you fail? Take it again. It won't be the worst thing in life you'll experience.
• You've prepared so diligently this time around. Just think of how you rocked the lighting exercise and just last year you failed it?
• Same with Egress. And Life Safety. Aren't you much more confident now?!
• No matter where the test is, you have all the supplies you need this time around.
• You are already starting off better by making sure you EAT that day!
• So many people believe in you.
• Prayer will give you strength. 
• Remember the triumphs you've experienced along the way.
• Remember the candidates who are where you are or have been there. You're not alone .
• Never underestimate the power of closing your eyes and taking 10 slow, deep breaths.

I encourage anyone who suffers from this learned habit (nope, not a mental disability, illness, or innate behavior - you're in control!) to use this exercise. Write down your "dark & twisty" (yeah, Grey's Anatomy shout-out!) thoughts and then write down the happy, encouraging thoughts you don't think nearly enough.

I'm thinkin' we're all truly underestimating the strength and focus that comes from simply thinking positively.

I know you don't think so, but YOU CAN,

Carolyn

PS. A note of encouragement from my gentle, compassionate, and sweet mother: 

Harden the F*#% up!